shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
