I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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