My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
