How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
