so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
