You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
