I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
