btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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