I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
