Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
