haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
