threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
