Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
