I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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