i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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