honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
