good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
