I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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