my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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