Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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