we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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