I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
