So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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