At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
