i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
