Who wears a wallet chain?!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
