this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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