I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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