her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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