she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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