omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
