He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
