You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
