Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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