But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
