You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
barbara walters just said penis...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
