i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
