I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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