guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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