I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
