see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
