It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
