Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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