thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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