ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im holly from the hills drunk
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
