JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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