shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
