Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Randomize
