there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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