I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
