Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
